A day in the life..
This topic has been on my mind for a while. Although it’s incredibly personal, how we live is something not many people know intimate details about. I thought I would open the door to some mysteries and misconceptions of being homeless. To begin, I will answer some questions posed to us: How do we eat/cook? How do we bathe? How do we go to the bathroom? Where do we sleep? How do the kids learn and play? Katherine and I generally wake up around 9 am. We begin our days with a few kisses to the kids and each other. We make breakfast, work online or over the phone and eventually eat lunch, go out for resources and then make supper. Now, these are normal occurrences for majority of families I would imagine. However, for our family, life isn’t as simple as opening the fridge to grab a hot pocket, pop it in the microwave and relax in front of the television. Heck, we haven’t even watched television in over three years. We don’t have to get frustrated with commercial breaks or get tired of the same shows on the programming. We use Pandora and YouTube to listen to music, we read the news from online media sources and stay up to date with worldly affairs through social media, Google, Wikipedia, and other popular sites. We each have a cheap smart phone, an extra one just in case and two laptops, one of which needs a new charger. That’s one thing we go through extremely rapidly is chargers, usually just phone chargers though. We have power converters to swap 12V to regular power outlets and USB port to charge our devices from the camper. The kiddos love to watch their educational shows on YouTube and night night stories too, we have to keep the electronics going! Not to mention for our outreach and work. There is a large bed, a converted bed area for the kids, storage under the bed, dry food box as a pantry, a 7 gallon water holding tank and a 2.5 gallon septic holding tank. This is a tiny version of a larger camper, however it doesn't have a shower but we have no issue bathing regularly there are many public places that have shower access. The kids enjoy going to the truck stops because they get to play in the water and the hot water never runs out, well unless the boiler breaks down. Which has only happened once, but luckily it was before we showered and not during! Remember when I said we have a 2.5 gallon septic holding tank? Yes, that’s rather small, but out in the west, most rest areas have free dump sites and truck stops have them usually as well. We definitely have to do much forethought when wanting to use the restroom, planning out how much room is left before needing to dump it again. It’s a bit different than always being privileged with running water and a toilet that flushes away into the septic dump already. I believe that answers all the questions. Now, lets go on to the myths and misconceptions. The first misconception I would like to touch on is that homeless people are filthy. For us, cleanliness is a constant. Since we are four people in a limited living space, we have many luggage bags full of clothes, shoes and toiletries, toys, educational materials, craft projects, a laundry area, boxes of books, as well as ourselves. Meaning, we have to keep things cleaned and organized on a daily basis. Waiting until the end of the week to take out the trash is not an option. That’s a daily chore or we are up to our ears in garbage! Since we have children, they are like children in any home, getting into everything! We spend a great deal of time redoing what our children undo, but that’s just kids. Second, some folks believe people without a permanent address are lazy. Katherine and I stay busy teaching our youngins, working on our home, preparing food, getting resources or doing our outreach and work from home. To me, that’s the opposite of lazy. Not to mention, our kitchen is stored under our bed and each time we need to cook, we must bring out our box of dishes and cookware, our camping grill, assemble it, set up our other box as a makeshift table, prepare food and cook. Want to save the dishes for tomorrow? We can’t do that, because we have to cook outside, which means all our dishes have to be clean before they return to the box, or they will get the inside of the box dirty as well and possibly mold. The box doubles as our washtub for the dishes and cookware. It’s a pretty good system we have going, but takes a good bit of work to accomplish. Total time is usually two hours to complete the cooking, eating and cleaning up process. Want to run to the store for snacks at 10:00pm? Definitely not an option unless we are already camping overnight at a truck stop or Walmart, otherwise, we would have to move all 21 luggage bags and remove all the curtains to leave and then redo it when we return to camp. We have to ensure all errands are made, all food is purchased for that night and the next day, our septic is empty, our trash is dumped, our water is full and our fuel tank isn’t on empty in order for us to run the camper and charge our devices and have lights. Do we sound lazy yet? I didn’t think so, I believe I stomped a hole in that myth. Third, is the assumption and accusation that most homeless are substance abusers. It’s no secret that used to be the case for us, but when we had a home. We were living a lie, trying to believe working for the dollar instead of working for humanity was the way to go. Trying to believe in someone we weren’t was torture. We aren’t wanting to work for the “American Dream”. We want our own dreams, not someone else’s idea of the right life for us or our kids. Of course we want a home again, we just haven’t found the neighborhood we fit into yet. We’ve tried, Austin, Columbus, Hattiesburg, Denver, Seattle, Portland and we are still searching for our home. I’m not sure we will find it since we both feel we aren’t from this world, just in it for a time. And with that time, we want to make a difference, be the difference. Even, if that means doing without luxuries, we have what we need, we are always provided for, even if we are extremely under privileged, we are still blessed. Fourth, and the last one I will mention is that under-housed folks are in their situation due to their own actions and being irresponsible. We are in this position because someone stole our money to pay our bills, from my wallet and we couldn’t find a homeless prevention organization, charity or church to help us meet our expenses that month and we lost everything except what would fit in our dodge neon and each other. Then, we made the decision to use it to change our entire lives and the direction we were headed. We packed our things, drove to Colorado and began working towards our goals: transition, sobriety, advocacy, volunteering, writing, activism and others we haven’t completed yet like returning to school, finding an inclusive, supportive community and establishing a home in it. Our dream for America and all of the world is for unity, understanding, love and diversity to flourish! We don’t want racism, division, hatred, judgement, fear and dominion. We want personal autonomy, but not at the expense of the civil liberties or safety of others. We want our children to grow up in a life full of living and preservation of life, not a life of destruction. We will continue on this path because our hearts tell us too, hopefully not being homeless, but being ourselves.
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To me, a President should be someone that no matter what, a child of any race can look up to them as a role model. But, that’s not what we see with Trump. Instead, we have children afraid to leave their homes because of their skin color, clothes or religious beliefs. Instead, we see tens of thousands taking to the streets to protest the Presidential Elect. Portland, Oakland, LA, NY and I read on CNN, at least 25 other cities are protesting with signs like “#NotMyPresident”. I’ve seen social media erupt with sadness, anger, hate crimes, harassment and disdain for other’s victimization. Since this, it literally feels as if we are living before the civil rights movement. Are we seriously still fighting for equality among individuals in 2016?
Katherine and I were in Southern Oregon for several days recently due to two teeth breaking and needing a dental visit. I went round and round with the insurance company about how to go about getting a dental visit covered with a non-network doctor. Three days later, we had the answer, the doctors office chosen and the lady was compassionate toward Katherine being in pain and were able to work her in that day. Once we made it to the office, after the fiasco of waking the children, making breakfast, searching through our luggage bags finding clothes for everyone for the day and getting dressed, and then searching all over the camper for the kids shoes they constantly “forget” to put back in our shoe bin, the staff made remarks to how they expected us much sooner. We were finally worked in, the dentist came to see the chart, x-rays and Kat. Once he saw she was on hormone replacement therapy, he prescribed antibiotics and repeated to us multiple times we should just “wait until you get to California” and get your insurance swapped down there, maybe someone could help her then. The doctor left the room while Kat was still attempting to describe how horrible the pain had been for three days. She had been taking ibuprofen and using anbusol every half hour or so to help ease it. The medication was barely having an effect, the pain spread to her neck, jaw and gave her an excruciating headache, she described as a migraine. But, he didn’t give her the time of day to explain it, he literally walked in, saw HRT on the medication list and refused her treatment. This isn’t the first time we’ve been discriminated against but this is the first time by a medical professional since beginning transition. This was last Wednesday, November 9th. Now, I can’t say this would have gone differently on November 8th, but I sure hate to think that the two are correlated somehow. After being treated in this manner we wanted desperately to get out of that place! We continued on our journey. It’s Saturday now and we’ve made it to Sacramento. Thankfully, California is opening its arms to refugees of discrimination that want to flee and here we are.. The neat thing about having children is that we are constantly all learning together. When we travel to a new place, our history fanatic, Katherine will look up the history and information of the towns we visit. When we took a trip to Camp Stevens and Astoria, Oregon. We discovered not only beautiful territory, but also the filming area of the movie “Free Willy”; the bombing site of a Wold War II era attack, a monumental agreement between Japan and the US; and saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time. We learned about Lewis and Clark, their across country journey, the trail they forged. We saw the remnants of the first American Fish Cannery in Oregon. Also, the founder of Astoria Oregon, John Astor, was from the East, founded Astoria and was named for him. Adding up the miles is also tallying up the history our children understand. From exploring the mountain side in Colorado at Mount Shevano, to building sand castles next to the Pacific, our children are becoming well traveled, cultured and hands-on educated. The first hand look at our history enables our children to grasp the knowledge for much longer than memorized content from a textbook. It’s history come-alive for them. Together we’ve seen wide stretching valleys, explored terrain, hiked mountains, played in the snow, experienced different climate conditions, watched bugs and other critters, counted birds, and studied the histories of the regions we’ve visited and lived. We’ve read about the railroad, the constructing of the first roads, and the history of the ports. We’ve read about sailing, fishing, cargo ships, and submarines. We make education a huge part of our lives. Katherine loves to enter a new town, explore the internet content and teach the rest of us all about the new location. When we were travelling from Mississippi to Colorado and then again from Colorado to Washington and Oregon, we studied the Trail of Tears, the First Nation’s tribes, the ancestors of this land. We learned about discrimination they faced from the white intruders and settlers. We taught them about the wars of the country, the wars that brought together the United States. Although they are young and we will probably have to go over the content again once they’re older, they will have these rich memories to accompany their learning. They will have these photographs to look back on and be able to be filled with the history, instead of just filled with the words on a page. Katherine and I are readers, learners, students of not just books, schools and teachers, but of life, travelling and exploring! We want our children to grow up filled with a lifetime of rich experiences and a joy for learning about new people, places and ways of life. We want ourselves and our children to be well-rounded, non-judgmental, understanding individuals. People that offer their friendship and solidarity to the weak and oppressed. People that have an understanding of what life is like for more than just one type of lifestyle. We want our children to be globally conscious, not live in a suburban bubble unaware of what life is like for countless others. We want our children to be strong, to be independent, to be helpers. We wish for them a firm understanding of the world around them. How will they know, if we don’t show them? Katherine and I both from a young age wanted to see the world. I used to fantasize about working for National Geographic, travelling the world and being a photo-journalist, sending in my trip articles and photographs. Although, this isn’t the same exact dream I have now, I am putting my travel stories and pictures together now. Someone recently asked us how do the kids feel about travelling? Well, I’ve asked them several times. We believe in honesty with our children when we discuss our lives with them. Jayden says she loves travelling around, she says a home was too boring but wouldn’t mind it again but wants lots of vacations. Our youngest doesn’t remember living in a home and so doesn’t have it to compare to and would like to experience it. I hope to be able to give that to them soon. We have been living in the Portland area for right at a year. I enjoyed the short lived call center job I had but Portland seems to have housing crisis and a tough job market. I’ve attempted disability yet again, stayed on top of the disability “homework”, doctor appointments and the entire lot of doctor appointments, yet every hoop I jumped through for them wasn’t enough. We’ve been on the affordable housing lists, the shelter waiting lists and have kept up to date on our 2-1-1 entries for shelter. There hasn’t been any form of shelter for us come available. We love to travel, obviously. However, we also want a firm foundation for our children. We don’t want to be in this situation, we were forced into this situation. We’ve accepted it for what it is and have been making the best of it as we can. We love our children more than life and want a good life for them. Which is why I’ve branched out in my writing. I began this blog to share my ideas, share my experiences and hopefully encourage someone to keep being diligent. Although our dreams didn’t turn out exactly as we had hoped we are still making them come true, one way or another, one day at a time! The Crooked Tree Cafe was a cozy little restaurant and socialization spot for folks in the country side. My father being single, spent many nights there drinking, fellow-shipping with friends, and we would have supper there as well. These were the days where dad would say “Just put it on the tab” and would pay once a week on payday. I can remember during the summers saddling-up Peanut, riding down to Crooked Tree, having lunch and sharing a mountain dew with my noble stead.
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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