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For those of you who have known us for many years, know we have been homeless for the past six years. Though housed after coming out as transgender, we found ourselves without any recourse when loosing our income, extended maternity leave, disabilities, and a theft came together to create disaster. In the state of Nevada, a family is still considered “homeless” if they are dwelling in a weekly or extended-stay, non-permanent dwelling For the past three years and five months, we have lived in one of the weekly dwellings, with one bedroom. Although they are marketed as a “flexible stay”, “apartment-style” residence, it’s basically a rough type motel that doesn’t provide cleaning services, sheets, towels, or anything like that. However, the units are furnished. We’ve not seen a city with housing options quite like this, so when arriving here after living in our camper van for just shy of three years, this suite was a welcomed reprieve from the inability to stand up in our home (our camper van was simply not tall enough). Though we’ve been able to make rent (a few times thanks to friends/chosen family) each week, if we were to miss a week, we’d only have 5 days to come up with the rental payment, other wise management puts a lock on the outside of the door handle which prevents it from being opened. People are not allowed to come back on the property, not allowed to remove their belongings, and their things are put out in the dumpsters, if this happens. The property is fenced in and there are security guards that have to be on patrol all of the time, because of the level of drama and crime that goes on in our apartment complex. There are people thrown out on a daily basis here due to the fact that as long as there are no active warrants, if a person has ID, and cash, they can get a unit here. Police units are here regularly, typically in droves. Since living here there has been 5 stabbings, 2 shootings, 3 raids, and a child abduction attempt (that’s just the ones we know about). It’s honestly quite scary as a parent. Which is why we DO NOT let our kids play here AT ALL. PERIOD. We’ve been relatively “housed” here for over three years, but the children need a bedroom that is not the living room. They deserve more stability than a weekly unit can provide. We all need more safety than this neighborhood and property can provide. Last week, while working at home, I was on Facebook and happened to see a post about a relatively new transgender-specific housing program that was being headed up by the local LGBT Center. I responded to the post and an advocate reached out to me the next day. After a phone interview, submitting our financial documents, and explaining our situation, we were approved for a two bedroom apartment! The four of us went by this week to view the place. The property manager has had the property completely remodeled with new appliances, paint, tile floors throughout, and a nice yard and garden spot. The kiddos will be able to play at our home, plus at a lovely park that’s close by! The kids asked could they go ahead and “try out the park” while we were checking out the new apartment. I laughed and responded that we could go when we signed the paperwork. There are a bunch of items we do not have for a home, like dressers, chests of drawers , night stands, a bed for Kat & I (the kids already have beds), kitchen table, chairs, sofa/couch, love seat, end tables, microwave, toaster, TV stand, mixer, can opener, towels, bath cloths, hand towels, toy bins, child clothes hangers, coffee table. What we do have is each other, love, a week’s worth of groceries, and a new place soon <3. As we pass from a semi-stable position to one that will provide even more stability, this feels like a type of transition. A transition for the entire family, definitely an upgrade! We feel this is a huge step for us, a leap in progress as we push forward! We are so incredibly grateful for this opportunity to make improvements to our situation, especially when it involves a larger space, more privacy, and greater stability for our children. I can remember when we first became homeless, we thought we would be back on our feet, housed, and stable within six months. Oh how we were wrong. Thinking back to those nervous, hot, and uncomfortable last few days at our townhouse in Mississippi, Josh was still an infant, only 5 months and Jay was three. We gave away everything that wouldn’t fit in our small, dodge neon and left Mississippi, headed for Denver. I recall attempting to be housed at family shelters, each one wanted to divide us up, either one parent with the children and the other separated, or the children in one building which was subdivided by gender, and parents in a different building, also divided by gender. Or worse, the time Kat was asked to reveal their genitals in order to receive a cot for the night. The kids both remember living in our vehicle, but recall it less and less as time goes by. Thankfully so, as there were quite a few terrifying moments. Having two young children living in a car, in 8 feet of snow, in negative 17 degree temperatures, is not an easy feat. It’s no picnic to not know where the next tank of gas is going to come from, when you need to keep your family warm and the car cranked in order to do so. Having to dredge through miles of snow, dealing with wind-burn, and edging on frostbite to go out and obtain the money, services, and work we needed to continue to survive. I would work every night to fill out 75-100 hand written business cards on index cards, explaining that we would work doing housekeeping, at home healthcare, yard work, and moving assistance, if someone would just hire us. I spent hours during the week at the public libraries, using the computers to post Craigslist ads in order to advertise our services as well. Many times handing out the cards in person, at places such as: malls, sidewalks, parking lots, and grocery stores we’d get cash donations or people would bring us in to take us shopping for the goods we needed to survive that day. The compassion and empathy shown to us by those who offered us kindness, was a friendly and welcomed tender moment, which helped to ease the emotional soreness left by those who had been awful to us along the way. When we look back over those moments, we cherish those few bright stars, we will NEVER forget you. Those interactions, those moments, those people are the fuel that keeps us going. You few believing in our family, seeing something in us worth interacting, worth helping, worth taking a moment to talk to us, hear our story, wish us luck, give us a spare dollar. It’s heard, it’s seen, it’s felt, it’s appreciated, and it’s not been given in vain, we’ve made the most of what we’ve been blessed with and do not take it for granted. We would NOT have gotten this far on our journey without those that like us, feel it on their hearts to reach out to others in the ways they are able. We may not have money to give, but we do have time, and devote our outreach in honor of those who’ve reached out to assist us! There were bleak times, but I’d have to say the most disappointing, saddest, and toughest part of being homeless was the fact that no matter which town or city we were in attempting to start over, eventually, it’s inevitable that the police start to harass you if you’re a person that lives on the street. Which would limit our ability to get stabilized somewhere. Mainly because housing programs are either lottery based, or have wait lists that are years long, or want some sort of documented proof of one’s gender identity, birth sex, as well as current genitalia. While waiting, working our butts off, trying to survive in the mean-time, the police would make our lives a living hell. They would wake us from sleeping in the middle of the night, sweep us out of camp grounds so we could not be in a safe area, or plain out tell us to leave town and would follow us as we drove out to ensure we did leave. So having the chance to start over somewhere was really proving to be very difficult, and at times seemed impossible. Denver, Boulder, Colorado Springs, Highlands Ranch, Thornton, Commerce City, Aurora, Elizabeth, Colorado; Seattle, Tacoma, Sea-Tac, Olympia, Lacy, Tumwater, Vancouver, Washington; Portland, Beaverton, Tigard, Wilsonville, Troutdale, Hillsdale, Medford, Ashland, Oregon; San Francisco, Sacramento, Lodi, Stockton, San Jose, Pacifica, San Leandro, Daly City, Salinas, Tracy, California. All of those places were a very similar experience, the worst being Elizabeth, Colorado. But, we were told to leave, or ran out of town, or harassed by the police in every one of these cities, making it where I would have been arrested if I stayed in the city, and eventually we would have to leave the entire state or we’d lose the camper van we’d bought while homeless, and I’d have been in jail. So, we’d have to flee to stay together, and stay safe. It felt like a loop, an endless cycle from which we couldn’t seem to break away. People treating us badly, that was the absolute wort part of being homeless. Being turned away from services was a close second especially over things like: age, gender identity, or the fact we’re a family that work best together and not separate – felt discouraging and completely wrong for them to be like this to us over a place to sleep for a few hours. Especially a family with small children. We encountered numerous heartless interactions and harmful situations, too many to count. Unless you’ve been through it, you’ll never truly understand how humiliating, unnerving, traumatic, and horrific it is to be homeless. We’ve been spit on, cussed out, told nasty things, threatened, and harassed for being homeless, and it’s even worse if these type of people know we’re transgender. We sheltered our kids from their horribleness as much as we could, thankfully they have been incredibly resilient, and learned to adapt to a vast amount of changes and range of circumstances. But they deserved better, so we kept pressing forward. Searching for a place we could start over. Las Vegas turned out to be that place. Within two days of moving here we were able to get this place, and have been working toward improving our situation as much as we possibly can. Although we’ve had several set backs, one being our camper van being taken away by the city after we moved in, we paid to get that back, only to have it taken the next year. Then the following year Kat’s check was late, which caused a humongous domino effect in our finances. Our auto drafts came out regardless of their being no money in our account, then they of course caused overdraft fees, which then, we had to pay our rent, so we had to go in the hole even further, which then locked our first bank account we had had in years. Then crashed the 647 point credit score we had built up for ourselves down to 300. After that, our bank account closed, we had to max out our credit card to pay our bills and buy groceries. Once we got the check, everything was completely messed up, and we owed so much money in overdraft fees that we couldn’t do anything except try to recover somehow. We were planning to move into a place of our own, and out of this weekly unit, but with zero credit, and now majorly in the hole, we had to use the taxes we intended for a home, to carve our way out of that misery the next spring. Funny how one person’s lack of action can cause an entire family’s life to stall, and feel like it got punted straight into the shitter! It felt extremely awful, especially since the organization responsible didn’t even attempt to help to repair the damage of their employee’s error. But, I digress. We’ve recovered, though we used to be able to use our credit card and bounce a few debits there between paychecks, now we have to borrow from friends and pay it back on payday (thank y’all!), but it’s always worked out! We Are FINALLY Getting A Home! Yet again, the Universe has provided a way for us to be safe, stay together, and progress as a family! We are so excited and can hardly contain ourselves!! Our family is extremely grateful for this opportunity. We’ve worked so hard to climb out of homelessness, and we are FINALLY making it to be categorized as a family that has a “home”. If we could say anything to the Board of Directors of the housing program, it's THANK YOU. Thank you for allowing a program with no age constrictions. Thank you for allowing a program which accepts families. Thank you for allowing for this housing program to be created for transgender people, and we thank you for giving our family this wonderful chance of a home. Your program is giving new vigor to three transgender people and an adorable little cisgender ally! So, as we embark on this new journey, this new phase, this new transition as a family, we are asking that you help us to make this a successful and easy transition for us, as we are doing all we can but still need a BOOST! If you can contribute, please do! If not, please share, share, share & encourage others to give! See below for a list of items needed & ways to give the Blake Family A Boost: Electrical Deposit = $350 Internet Set-up: $75 Kitchen Table = $200 Chairs = $150 Desk = $150 Bed Side Tables = $300 Sofa = $250 Love Seat = $125 Bookshelf = $75 Microwave = $65 Toaster = $25 Total: $1765 Donate Financially: Venmo PayPal CashApp Donate Items: Amazon Family List In the last month, we’ve stayed up at least one night a week (two days straight, typically weekends) working all night over night on Postmates. We’ve had such a difficult time just affording the gas to make the deliveries. Not only have we been working full time with our outreach, as per usual, we also have been working daily on homeschool. Even the weekends, revamping everything for the next week, making out their classwork, creating tasks, quizzes, tests, flashcards, activities, and setting up their lessons plans. The kiddos are enjoying their homeschooling. We had a lovely friend to donate homeschool books for them, they should be in soon. It’s been fun being even more active in their schooling more directly, instead of the virtual charter and public school programs, although that did require a good bit of interaction as well.
Now, with also working evenings doing deliveries, we’ve seen it necessary to stay up over the weekends in order to make funds. To be honest, it’s pretty crappy with Postmates, we make a few ($5-8) bucks, put that into gas, make another round of $5-8, put that into gas, and so forth. On top of that, the majority of people do not tip, or follow some strange trend to tip between 1 penny, and 25 cents. (What’s up with that?!, maybe that’s all they had left over, I understand that feeling lol.) Totally understand low income, poor people also deserve to have food delivered when they want a night off from cooking, we do it every now and then too (especially when it’s tax time lol.) We’ve had such a rough time with the gas situation, one night we even had to push the dang truck to a gas station (quite a struggle, but thankfully a stranger ran over to help me push it, Kat was steering).. while on a delivery, trying to make gas money, after the previous customer that night put down the wrong address, and we went over 20 miles out of the way (the person had “South” instead of “North”, so it was the same road but WAY down it.) We were all the way south, in Henderson, yet they actually lived in downtown Las Vegas! So after pushing it about half a mile, my back was in terrible pain for about 3 weeks (if y’all remember that from my FB posts that’s why my back was all flared up). Well, today we started Door Dash. We had good luck, made decent income. After being stranded at a gas station for an hour at 4am with a flat, we worked from 6am to 230pm, to find out we wouldn’t be able to cash out the funds we made, until we either work 2 weeks, or make 25 deliveries. We didn’t sleep last night, so we’re extremely exhausted (caught up on some of the work for Trans Matters Now, and did some things for the kids’ homeschool for this next week, and graded some of this past week’s quizzes.) Although, a friend just informed me Door Dash does direct deposit, and will be available in a couple of days. We’re relieved to hear that, but need to go back out to work more tonight. For the last month, it’s been incredibly tough for us, and I’m just not sure how much longer my body can take this, not to mention my mental health. It’s already been affecting Kat, after taking suicide and crisis support calls all day, they go out with me and help me to be able to even do my job. It’s just been hard to hold my head up lately and feel proud, responsible, and capable. It’s not often I get down, disappointed, or depressed, but this has been taking it’s toll. However, the good news is that with Door Dash we’ll be making a bit better money, so affording gas to work should be easier, theoretically, (once we actually receive the income.) I also applied to two jobs this past week. One for a medical billing clerk, and one for a training coordinator, both are remote. Trans Matters Now, is working toward a second partnership, and we are actively recruiting volunteers! We also have a lot of designs stacking up in the TMN Merch Market. The kids have stuff they really like on there and keep begging to see the store front page just to check out all the items, lol. It’s been cute having them as my cheerleaders during the whole process. We know life won’t be this hard, eventually it’ll be easier, it’s just been pretty dang-um difficult the last several years, and the past month is beginning to seep deeper than usual. Kat is working very hard in their school program. SO thankful they found a non-profit to attend. Very proud of all of my babies, and they are all working very hard in school! The disability fight is still in session! I had several MRI’s, right shoulder, right knee, and lumbar spine. Now knowing that both shoulders, both hips, both knees, my back, neck, and right ankle are all effected with something different is quite depressing. Plus, it’s a reminder of how careless I was with my body, and how much I let others mistreat me. Moving on to the positive, the doctor is working with disability. Looking forward to the future, with the things we currently have in motion, our little family should be seeing a lot of different changes! Appreciating the potential there. That covers about everything for the past month.. Keep us in your thoughts, & send us lots of great vibes! "Trans Matters Now" - (TMN) Services Network
We've combined our outreaches into one full service website! TMN operates assistance projects, maintains several resource lists & hosts a job board, which is updated regularly. Our projects include: Trans Job Connect: An employment group & board for trans people. Trans Matters Now: A news, media, & lgbtq info FB page, Instagram, & Twitter. Trans Support Groups: Trans Parents Support, Partners or Co-parents, & Children. Three Two One Trans: Volunteer jobs, projects/art/media/trans-related content. Community Education: Webpage for educational content both of TMN & third-party. Out of The Closet: Clothing closet for trans folks in need of gender affirming clothes. Trans Legal Matters: Direct legal guidance and assistance referrals for trans clients. We are excited about combining these services, as well as being able to partner with places like We The Action, in order to expand upon these existing services! TMN is also collaborating with multiple organizations and businesses in order to strengthen and increase our partner relationships. We have volunteers in Atlanta working on our very first clothing closet location and are actively seeking additional volunteers to launch locations in their area too! Stay tuned for more updates on our progress, projects, and services. This week we received some concerning, yet also hopeful news about my father-in-law. Kat’s father was placed in the hospital on Tuesday. He has been dealing with nerve pain for several years, only increasing over time, he’s been drastically loosing weight, his gait is unsteady/falls easily, he’s lost his eyesight. The good news is he’s finally at a point where his blood sugar is being managed appropriately, he’s eating healthy, and he has a treatment plan now. He was just diagnosed with CIPD, a rare neurological disorder in which there is inflammation of nerve roots and peripheral nerves. He’s receiving IVIG while in the hospital, five treatments initially and then regular treatments on-going on a long-term basis.
It saddens us though because we have not seen him in six years (We have been unable to afford to go back since we left the south). He’s there with family, but he has not been able to visit with his grand-kids since Josh was six months, and Jayden was three. Although, even if we went back he wouldn't be able to "see us", but being around family members especially grandchildren he's not seen in a very long time would lift his spirits. Perhaps we can afford to go during tax time, or raise enough funds to travel home for the first time in six years (& since transition)! We'll be happy to pay you back incrementally or after taxes come! (Make a travel donation here!) We have an appointment on Saturday to view a home in a nearby city. We are looking into a program called “Home Is Possible”. The program allows up to $16,000 for a down payment for first-time home buyers. We could potentially use a portion of our tax money to go towards the down payment as well (Make a housing donation). The kids are excited about the possibility of moving into a home with their own bedroom, they certainly need the space. We have several errands to run over the next few days, gas amount permitting (Make a gas donation). We have to go to the UPS Store to send back the kids school materials. We need to go to the food pantry because we are almost out of groceries. And we will be working Postmates through the weekend in order to pay the bill for Kat's phone, and a $108 outstanding medical bill. We will be celebrating Kat's birthday on Monday (Make a birthday donation). Kat has been self teaching web-dev and programming in order to either get the certification or apply to a local school when we get our tax return next spring. This will potentially increase our income two-fold, and is much more affordable than the original options we were looking into. I've been working on the kid's school curriculum for next school year. We are going with traditional homeschool, instead of a virtual school platform operated by the public school system. I've been using google to set up all of their classes, with links to online educational texts, content, videos, and interactive games. They are excited, and I'm about 1/5th of the way through so far! Trans Matters Now, our transgender services network, is working on a new clothing closet project, called “Out Of The Closet”. This project will serve the impoverished, or those facing financial constraints. This project seeks to connect trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming people with clothing that is consistent with their gender identity or most comfortable presentation. We are excited about working with our newest volunteers to launch this project! Our first location will be in Atlanta, GA, and we are actively seeking volunteers to launch additional “Out Of The Closet” branches. Donate to Trans Matters Now. By: James Blake
Gender neutral parenting involves multiple related themes including gender-stereotypes, sexuality, and gender identity. Literature suggests that gender neutral parenting origins are based on assumptions that children are usually treated differently due to their gender. Stemming from an era when second-wave feminists were determined to make their female children more diverse in the home, school, life, and workplace in order for them to have more diverse opportunities. The gender neutral approach to parenting is often used as a way to purposely go against how children have historically learned gender stereotypes and adopted gendered traits. Gender “norms” are a principle of behavior that reflects what is categorized as typically masculine or feminine in any given society or culture. Oftentimes in the development of gender, parenting involves gender-based behavior modelling, rewards and punishment systems for gender expectations and stereotypes. As a result, gender socialization occurs, which is how individuals of a given society incorporates gender stereotypes, gender”norms”, and gender expectations into their own gender identities. This leads to the child's own moderation of their behavior in compliance with what they believe is expected of them, and resulting in gender identities that are only from imitation of parents, fear of punishment for behaviors outside of the gender “norm”, and the desire to be accepted or rewarded. This type of parenting model reinforces children as the passive recipients of gender socialization, instead of allowing the child to have an active role in the process of gender self-identification. In a more open parenting model of gendered self-identity, children use cognitive-development to pick up on gender roles, and gain an understanding of gender over time through their choice of socialization practices. Using this practice for parenting, children achieve ‘gender constancy’ by age 7, actively selecting behaviors from their surrounding environment they perceive as consistent with their own gender identity. Acting as active agents in the gender identity process through a desire to reveal their authentic self, children are often able to navigate complex gender issues when given freedom to self-associate with gender traits and characteristics. Gender neutral parenting is a parenting type in which no emphasis is given to gender stereotypes, and without adhering to the preconceived concepts that traditionally determine gender roles. An example of this was the TV show “Free To Be You and Me” by Marlo Thomas (1974), which shared education and popularized gender neutral parenting with a vast amount of America. As a child’s first introduction to the world, parents play a vital role in instilling values and attitudes into children, including powerful ideas about gender. Parents prepare clothing, toys, shoes, furniture, bedding, and accessories weeks or months before a child is born, often based solely on the infant’s sex; using physical sex to predict behavioral traits and characteristics, interests and likes. This is truly telling as to how important gender and sex is in our own culture and society. Supporters of gender neutral parenting say it encourages children to try out a wider range of activities they might not have otherwise. The strict boxes we’ve placed around gender is very limiting, and in many cultures has led to inequality of the sexes. By allowing our children to navigate and self-identify gender, we are allowing them to truly express their innate traits, gender, and personality. See article resources here. Setting limits on serum maximums for testosterone is dangerous. If one group of woman (trans woman) have to be tested, then all women should be tested. All people regardless of birth assignment create testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. There are cisgender women with naturally increased androgens, and PCOS which also causes a rise in testosterone. The normal levels of testosterone in a cisgender woman is 15-70ng/dL.
Testosterone is responsible for over 200 actions in the body such as: reproductive health, growth, bone density, new blood cell production, and overall health. This article states: "The UCI’s new rules follow similar new rules instituted by the International Associations of Athletics Federation, which in October, passed its own set of rules governing transgender female participation. The IAAF rules also lowered the testosterone serum levels from 10 nanomoles/liter to 5 nm/L." Meaning stricter rules for transgender women, that does not even align with their cisgender counterparts' levels of testosterone. The governing bodies mentioned above, are actually requiring trans women to have a level dangerously below that of a cisgender female. Plus, exercise increases one's testosterone. As a result, many cisgender women who compete in sports have a higher testosterone than that of their cisgender peers, who do not compete in athletics. There are risk factors associated with low levels of testosterone. Low testosterone can cause one or more of the following symptoms in women:
This is #Unhealthy #Dangerous #GateKeeping It's awful to be placed into the child foster/homeless system. I spent time homeless with my mother, as a young child. We were homeless 6 times between my ages of 6-8. During that time we lived in a car, hid out/squatted in a person's shop, under a bridge, and 3 times I was transported to the local children's shelter. During those 3 years, I was assigned a CPS/DHS Case worker. She became my legal guardian, and had me in the shelter until my father was able to be awarded custody. The case manager had to track him down, as he didn't live in the area/state. It wasn't a good experience, to say the least.
My mother was a single, divorced mom. She was a beautiful Cherokee person, with long dark hair, a dark olive complexion, and beautiful hazel brown eyes. She was a sex worker, ran her own housekeeping service, and a crack-cocaine addict. She would disappear for days at a time, leaving me home alone, in our meager, metal trailer, to fend for myself. I reached out the the Salvation Army, and asked if they could put me on the weekly food delivery list for the disabled/invalid, and elderly. They said yes! Each week on Sunday afternoons, the volunteers would deliver a box of food items to include: rice crispies, peanut butter, vienna sausages, potted meat, a box of saltine crackers, powdered milk, powdered eggs, mashed potato flakes, and sometimes even a can of spam. This is what I lived on for a couple years. We would receive food stamps, but momma would often sell them for half the value for cash. We also got child support from my father, which would usually pay the rent, unless momma hadn't any money for her drug habit. It got pretty bad at times, strangers coming into our home at all hours, even into see me. In the recent #MeToo Movement, I opted out, because I didn’t know how to really voice my experiences. In my life, until the last few years, it’s been hard to voice things about myself, and my past to others. And, unfortunately, at a very young age I was used as payment for my mother's drug habit as well. Men, even teenagers, would take advantage of me, and since my mother was very open about her sexual practices, I would witness things no person should ever, ever see. Once we were attacked by a group of men, I ran to hide, until I heard my mother screaming, I ran back nervously, to look under her door (which had a two inch gap at the floor) to see what was happening. I felt so helpless, I wanted to make them stop, but all I could do was be there as a witness to her tragic circumstances. There were times she would be absent so long the neighbors would notice and call the police, I'd get shipped off the to Mark Mitchell Homeless Shelter for Children. There, I was bullied and teased by the other children my age, and thankfully the house manager caught the kids treating me that way, and moved me to the teenager room. The teen girls made me feel accepted, and would play with my hair and braid it, putting in pretty decorations. It made me feel nice, helped to ease the fear, and shame. Eventually, things did improve. But not for a very long time. Once placed with my father, he would threaten to kick me out, wrestle me to the floor, hold me in body holds/choke holds, leg locks, and use hand vicing/crimping to punish me. Spankings would have been preferred, but I got those as well. My first step-mother (though she did apologize when I was 24) used to use switches, metal hangers, and other random objects on me and scar my legs, back, and backside with whelps, then force me to go to school with shorts on, so "everyone can see what a bad little child you are". Don't get me wrong, as a kid, I was kind of a brat, but I don't know of many children that aren't bratty at times. I would rebel against their abuse by sabotaging them, which only made things way worse. When I was nine my father and step-mother had my sister. Which began the cycle of being used once again. My sister would be left in my care after we both got home from daycare/school, while my step-mother would pamper herself, kick back in the recliner and relax. The last straw for me was when her brother sexually assaulted me, and she admitted to me she also was sexually assaulted as a child by her brother. Yet, didn't believe me. So they made me go see a psychologist. Who they told I was a liar, made up wild stories, and was obsessed with being rebellious. So, of course the psychologist believed the adults. They all ganged up on me about lying, and insisting I couldn't have possibly been exposed to those type of things. They blamed me. So I turned inward. I also took all her expensive office dress clothes out into the rain and jumped on them in a huge mud puddle, most of them were dry clean only, in retaliation, obviously I was not good at verbally expressing my emotions. That was the worst beating of my life, up until that point. I began to write in my journal instead. I filled 6 of them in 8 years. Never really speaking outwardly about the things I went through. Since the age of six, my journal had been my best friend, my only real friend, that I could be real with too. Thankfully, she left, divorced my dad, and he had to pay very expensive child support (way more than he had to pay my mother for me), leaving us with a portion of a paycheck to survive off of, and my sister living in privilege in a nice three bedroom brick home, with her mother's full income, plus the $796 dollars a month in child support (my father only paid a little over $400 to my mother). The only thing we could afford was a very tiny trailer, out in the country. I spent most of my childhood isolated, alone at that trailer. At the age of 12, my father's best friend, whom my sister and I lovingly referred to as our "uncle", had given me a horse. That horse saved my life. Had Peanut not been in my life, I would have killed myself, and often made attempts before he came into my life. After school, I would be driven home by a neighbor, then immediately go saddle Peanut for a ride around the country-side. School let out at 2:30, and my father would work 7 days a week, and not be home until around 8pm. After a long ride with Peanut, I would return home, brush, feed, and water him. After our afternoon ride, I would retreat home, to start a load of laundry, do my homework, take a shower, and cook dinner for my dad and I. I'd have it ready by the time he got home, we'd eat and I'd go to bed. At 5:30 am it would start all over again. I'd have to say these were the most peaceful days I could remember, as long as I could walk a very tight and narrow line, I wouldn't have to be punished, so I strove for perfection from then on. Things weren't all bad, from the time I moved in with my father, in the country, I would walk alone down to the little country church. I got very involved with the youth group, even began to organize and lead the fundraising efforts, and eventually became the youth director, at age 17! Church was a refuge for me, where everyone greeted me with smiles and hugs, that actually felt genuine, instead of obligatory. In high school, I gained several friendships that lasted 21 years (until I came out as trans and became homeless). Although, there are a few that still hung on, that I wasn't expecting to stick around! All the hardships I've been through, all the violence witnessed, experienced, and the blatant, overt favoritism shown to my sister over me (way too much for this blog post, and really wouldn't do much more than just provide sad examples of choosing one child over the other). The first person I fell for, was my spouse Katherine. Though we were young, we had been secretly seeing one another for 8 months, when our parents found out. That did not go well at all. My father strangled me, dragged me by the hair outside, laid me over the bed of his truck tailgate, and began to kick me in the back, legs, and backside with his steel-toed work boots on. Then told me I had to stay isolated from the family, all my friends, quit my extra curricular activities, and surrender my tv, radio, for a year (restriction). Which was absolutely no lie, that's exactly what happened. As an adult, at one time, I was a charge nurse. Was making nearly $30/hr, had a 5 bedroom brick home, and a nice small car (paid off!) Eventually, I had a back injury that broke my back, displaced 3 vertebral disks, and caused bilateral sciatica in both hips. This caused me to be in a wheelchair, although I still walk with a cane, that began a long road of struggles. Eventually, my spouse and I came out as trans, and experienced violence/discrimination based on gender identity. We became homeless, and since I was still disabled, it was difficult to find work. No nursing community would hire me as I was a "liability". I lost my career and had to go back to the drawing board, to figure out what I could actually do with my limitations. Working my way out of a wheelchair and into using a cane to walk with physical therapy, was quite difficult and took a lot of inner strength to push through the pain to restrengthen by back. It's been a long road, but I'm so thankful for the experiences. Pain has been my greatest teacher, it taught me to focus on the best things, be thankful for the little things, and the steps towards triumph over an invisible disability, and incredibly disadvantaged circumstances. I appreciate the hard times I've been through, and know that now that life is better, we've worked hard with much determination to make a happy, rewarding life that works for us! Every homeless person has a story, if you just take time to listen! On January 20th, Kat & I went to demonstrate against the city of Las Vegas, arresting and fining homeless people $1,000 for sleeping on the street. The city just passed a bill that will criminalize homelessness here in LV. Poverty is not a crime, what CAUSES the poverty should be criminalized!
My family and I became homeless after we came out while living in Mississippi. For three years we lived on the streets, camping in our camper van in various cities, trying to find a place affordable & affirming (with trans protections & healthcare). Since we've been there, we understand how shelters split up LGBTQ families, we understand those who work night shifts are often turned away from shelters due to having to sleep during the day. We understand what's it's like because we've been the homeless family turned away from shelters due to being trans; we've been the family the police tried to split up because we're trans and homeless; we've been the family harassed on the street by police for sleeping (really bad memories/trauma affiliated with this). We are both dedicated to helping those who need it most. We can not sit by while more cities disobey the federal law stating it's illegal to punish the poor for in fact being too poor to afford a home. With rent prices continuously on the rise here and in other major cities, this will only lead to even MORE homeless people on our streets! We MUST stand in solidarity against these types of actions! This evening, I had a person reach out to me from Oregon, because the above text I posted as a FB post, that was shared in a group and the person saw it. They contacted me to say that it's illegal for city officials to go against Federal Law since, the 9th Circuit Court already Ruled a very similar city ordinance in Boise, Idaho, as unconstitutional. But, the city manager for Las Vegas, says the camping ban will be unaffected by the 9th Circuit ruling. This person went on to explain they would be contacting said court tomorrow on behalf of the Las Vegas ordinance. In addition, I'll be reaching out to contacts at The Center For Constitutional Rights, and the ACLU. We have an email address if you'd like to keep up with our progress here in Las Vegas, working to over-turn this inhumane, unconstitutional law! Send us a shout out @ [email protected]. #HousingNotHandcuffs #HeartTheHomeless #NoWarOnThePoor #Homeless #LasVegas A new year is here! The saying for this year is "Hindsight is 2020". Well, that may be true, however we'd rather be looking to the future for our "Better View", not behind us. We are so proud to be reaching so many milestones this year, and to share our journey with you all!! Here's a re-cap:
We are incredibly grateful for all of our network of friends/allies & the support/friendship/help each of you have offered in ALL the ways -- from believing in us, offering us an ear/shoulder, to lending such great advice, working beside us in the fight for trans folks, and for helping our family to fill in the gaps! This year we hope to have considerably less gaps. We have been working hard to give our children the stability they deserve, now with their little selves growing into bigger selves, we all need more room! We are looking forward to this year, as we have our fingers crossed for a raise (not certain but here's to hoping 🤞🏽) We have plans to move into a bigger place soon. Thankfully there are several options around the same price as the one-bedroom apartment we are living in now. I aspire to get my driver's license back in a few weeks, and we are hoping to get a vehicle again (which will make things like errands and doctor visits much more achievable.) The children have been enjoying being back to school from winter break. Though at first, the little one had a hard time understanding that he would still be in Kindergarten, and that this is not actually a "second year" of Kindergarten. He kept asking me why he wasn't going on to first grade and why he had to go a second year to kinder! Our oldest just turned 9 years old just before the new year! She asked to have her hair died pink for her birthday! It looks really great on her too. Our life has significantly changed in the last six years, constantly for the better! With all of you fighting the good fight with us, with trans people, all of us working to ensure trans folks have the resources they need to thrive, I see nothing but a BETTER VIEW FOR 2020! |
Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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