Recently, kat & I have been focused greatly on working, outreach, and furthering new projects within the organizations where we work. We strive our best to give quality output to those we serve within the transgender community. When that isn’t reciprocated, it’s greatly disappointing. Sadly, that’s been our experience two times here in Las Vegas, when dealing with the services designed for the transgender community.
One those of those times, during the sign up for purchasing a vendor booth, for an event happening locally; we encountered an issue after receiving confirmation of a table. We were informed they were overbooked. Previously, we were going to table for both of our orgs, but at one table, since only the two of us could be present for the gender conference; plus, we have signed up with each other’s organizations. In an email from the establishment, it outlined that we could still attend from a networking perspective, but could not table at the event. The entire family was attending that day, our children were extremely excited; after all, it was our first event geared toward the transgender community since leaving Portland. The four of us boarded the bus, prepared for a day of discussing the mission, vision, and outreach of our respective non-profits. Each of our orgs made certain we had plenty of business cards, and name tags to show our identification with each of the orgs. Once at the facility, we were greeted with cheery smiles, a bag with goodies, a shirt, and were invited to partake in refreshments. We decided to make our way into the area with the booths, which only had 7 places tabling. We were hoping for a larger crowd to meet with, but were not going to pass up an opportunity to make new connections. We weren’t there but for a few minutes, passing out our business cards, and introducing ourselves to the people there. We were asking questions about their tables, and information; as well as sharing what type of outreach we are involved. We were at the third table in our migration around the room. We were approached by a volunteer working the conference. We were told that I could continue to represent TEP but the program manager stated directly that TLL could not be represented at all. Knowing a rocky history existed between the program manager and TLL, I pondered whether this was a direct result of this personal beef with the lifeline. Potentially taking away the information of a crucial, and valuable service that the Trans Lifeline offers to the transgender population worldwide. Although the hotline has gone through a transition itself, with the administrative staff, it’s ganing momentum globally. We were directed to the reception area, where we asked to speak to the program manager; to which we were escorted outside. The volunteer that had distastefully delivered the message in front of the entire room of visitors, and vendors came toward us with loud, aggressive language and assertive body language. We were aghast at the angry, violent display towards us for speaking to others about suicide prevention, and furthering people’s knowledge about a transgender specific non-profit. When the program manager came back from his break, he too joined in on the toxic, violent behavior. To which, we were asked to get the hotline director involved via telephone. The program manager and the hotline director continued the conversation on the phone line. When I repeatedly asked for the volunteer to back up from our personal space, that we both have PTSD, and that kat has boundaries surrounding that particular behavior; no change was made, instead they got closer, yelled louder, clinched their fists, and broadened their shoulders toward us in a threatening manner. Frankly, we were appalled we were being treated with such disdain. This was our very first interaction with this group of people, with this facility, and with any gender conference at all. It left a very sour taste in our mouths for going forward. The organization dealt with that situation accordingly, and terminated the program manager. This was not the first altercation between him and other members of the community. As for the volunteer, I’m not certain what happened with them, hopefully they aren’t still with the organization. Unfortunately, we haven’t felt safe returning to the establishment since that occurrence. Thankfully, that is not the norm when interacting at trans focused events. We had a wonderful and memorable experience last month while attending the Trans Lifeline Anniversary Gala. When we were told we were all going to fly out from McCarren and into Oakland Airport, we were thrilled, since this would be the children’s first flight. All weekend before the trip, I was making certain we had enough clean laundry for the week. We were going through all of our belongings ensuring they were allowed through the security check. When everything was packed, the time had finally arrived to leave for the airport. We loaded our luggage into the Uber, and were off. We navigated our way through the terminals, to the JetBlue check in area, only to discover we were at the wrong area. The JetXSuites were on the back side of the airport in a different part of town. We had to order a second Uber, in which I left my cane I use to help me walk when there’s a lot of distance to cover, or stair climbing involved. But, we made it to the correct place, in plenty of time to check our luggage, and enjoy complimentary refreshments with the kids. When it was time to board the plane, we were escorted via limousine bus to the runway, and each of the 13 passengers loaded onto the plane via the small stair case directly behind the cockpit. We let the kids have the window seats, and each of them had one of us beside them. They loved seeing the clouds, the mountains, and the few bodies of water from up in the air. The small commuter jet flew us successfully from the Las Vegas lights to the Bay Area of California. Not long after we landed, we were whisked away in another Uber, and taken to a multiple story home, and given the entire top floor attic space, with toys, three beds, tiny chair’s for tots, and lots of space for the children to spread out to play. It was perfect for them! We all felt so special the team at Trans Lifeline had accommodated for them so well. The director even lent me a cane so I could climb all the stairs to the attic without complication. The next day was the day of the retreat for the staff at Trans Lifeline. The kids and I rode in with kat to see the downtown sights. The kids and I walked around the center for a while, then rode with a friendly Uber driver back to the Air-B-n-B rental home. We had the home to ourselves for several hours; with which we had breakfast, ate outside on the picnic table over looking the gardens in the back yard. The kids found an old tiny kitchen and enjoyed pretending to cook for a quite some time, while I enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and the warm sunshine. Then we retired to the upstairs, before I had run out of spoons to climb up to the third floor. There the kids played for a while, we attempted to do a few home school lessons, but of course all the new toys and surroundings were much too distracting to perform more than a couple lessons. A couple hours after our short lived attempt at home school, the team began to return from the retreat. The children and I were able to meet the rest of the team in person. It was nice to be included, and nearly everyone went out of their way to make the kids and I feel welcomed and like a part of the Trans Lifeline Family. We made sure to get the kids in bed early that night, as the next day was the Anniversary Event, and we knew it would be a long day out for them. Having a four year old have a cranky, sleep-deprived melt-down was not what we needed. The morning was cool, and crisp. There was a quietness in the house; the children had yet to awaken. Thoughts of how the evening might go began to stir in my mind. How were the children going to behave? Would their be comfortable seating for a disabled person like myself? How kid friendly was the establishment? It was a slow start to the day. The kids finally woke up; we had a light breakfast. We prepared ourselves for the day, and were off to take public transit in an effort to save money rather than take an Uber. After much walking around to navigate public transit, and spending $20 to purchase train tickets, we ended up getting an Uber ride regardless, simply to make the tail end of the trip easier. Still, it took three hours to navigate our way through the bus, and train systems to get from Berkeley to San Francisco, to the GitHub headquarters. Once there, we donned our pre-printed name tags, and respective pronoun stickers for the event. There was a corner of the building, away from all the hustle-n-bustle of the event, that was dedicated as a children’s space with a colorful rug, miniature table-n-chair set, with a huge tub of building blocks. Plus, there were stickers, so the kids were in absolute heaven. When we let the kids know we would be using baskets with balloons to go around to collect donations envelopes during the fundraising portion of the event, they began to jump up and down and squeal. They adore balloons, but have a hard time not squeezing them too hard, or letting them fly away. We anxiously awaited the emcee. We stood holding our balloon baskets, and watched as the director announced katherine was the recipient of the first honor ever awarded by the Trans Lifeline, the Dedication & Service Award, to them for reaching 1,000 hours of call time on the hotline. They were the first staff operator, and first full-time hotline employee. They have the most tenure of all the hotline operator staff, are a team lead, and heading up the up-and-coming SOFFA outreach as well. They have been with the organization since volunteering in December of 2015. They began training on the line February 2016. After about three years with the organization, they have shown excellence in their service and dedication to the line, being the first to reach a thousand hours. Kat currently has approximately 1500 hours of call time now. During the announcements, our youngest ran up to the microphone when kat was being presented the award, they couldn’t stand to not be included as well. Check out this video at about 15:45 is when kat & our littlest are there! It was a splendid night. The kids were all over the place, our four year old even learned how to play the game of pool, with help of a few nice TLL & GitHub folks! Overall it was a one-of-a-kind experience. We felt truly honored to be included as a family, especially since kat was directly being honored by the hotline. On the trip back into Las Vegas, seeing the lights was exciting, but maybe that was just the feeling of coming home.
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Authors:James and Katherine are a transgender couple raising two kids. They were southerners when coming to understand themselves as trans. Ultimately it lead to a nearly three year road trip to find home. Now they are re-housed and still focused on outreach in the transgender community! Archives
October 2020
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